So this weekend I have been obsessing over the apple orchard.  I really wanted to go but I didn’t want to go alone.  I wanted to take my siblings but they are busy now since they are older.  I was able to speak with my brother last night and he said he would have went with me and left my sister home since she’s the one who said they were busy.  Too bad he was asleep when I called!  So now it’s almost Monday and still no apples, cider or hot fresh donuts!  What gives?  My mother was saying that my father wanted to go tomorrow and when she mentioned it to him it didn’t seem like he really wanted to go.  So now I’m back at square 1.  I’ll have to figure out how to get to the orchard this Friday or Saturday.  The orchards close after Halloween so that doesn’t give me much time!!!

I’ve noticed that I haven’t been listening to as much music as I used to. I think music puts me in a happier mood.  The other night I was listening to Luther Vandross and dancing with myself.  It probably sounds lame but it did put me in a great mood.  Who says a party of one can’t have fun?  Lately everything has been going wrong.  I really just wish I could sit back and cry but I don’t have time for that.  I see that I have to be the change for myself.  I can’t sit back and wait for something to happen, I have to make it happen.

I’m up drawing hearts and remembering what used to be.  I’m trying to live my life, just go with the flow of things but I feel like a part of me is missing.  What if I never get it back? Am I supposed to just move on?  I was let go a few months ago and it seems like I’m just here, lonely.  I can cover it up from time to time but at the end of the day my heart still hurts.  I want her back.  I need her.  No one will ever measure up to what she means to me and everything else just seems like a waste of time.  I guess I’m where I was years ago.  How do you make long distance relationships work? How do you give the other person exactly what they need?  How can you keep them entertained and wanting more?  How do you fulfill their sexual needs?  What if the other person doesn’t want sex? Do you just live without? I have so many questions and none of the answers.

It’s Monday so that means the work week starts again.  I’m thinking about what I need to do this week and it’s not much since I’m dropping a couple of classes.  I just have to work and I don’t have many hours this week.  I need to pick up a second job since I have so much spare time. I’ve been tired, which is why I had to drop the classes.  It just wasn’t working out.  I don’t know how I plan on doing a second job.  It seems like we need money in this World and that’s the one thing that everyone seems to be lacking.  I’ve been feeling really cautious.  I think before I buy this or that.  I was doing that before but now it’s getting extra insane.  I’m thinking about cutting back on my hosting services because I just can’t afford it anymore.  I’m making less than $800 a month and my rent/bills easily total over $1000.  What to do, what to do.  It makes robbing a bank seem like a good thing.  I know it’s not, but hey, we need money.  Even the banks are running out! What gives?

I’m probably rambling…so yeah.  I’m about to pop in a Sex and the City disc.  That’s what I do at night since I don’t really have anyone to talk to anyone.  Fall asleep with Carrie and em. Haha.

I just got off of work and my feet are hurting!  I need to go in the kitchen and find something to eat. I haven’t had a thing all day. Can you believe it? After that I think I just may watch Sex and the City and doze off. I’m tired and I deserve some rest.  I’ll be busy tomorrow getting some things online done.  Hopefully that works out well.

It’s almost October. That’s crazy to me.  The beginning of the month just means more bills to pay.  That’s when I spend the most money because everything is due.  I want to get everything out and balanced  early this month because lately I’ve been having too many too close to calls.  I think I’ll do that tomorrow as well.  If I can stay in all day tomorrow that will be just fine with me.